When
I was younger, I can’t imagine myself pregnant. I see those pregnant mothers
parading in front of me everywhere and I have to laugh because if traded
places, I am still happy of where I am, enjoying the freedom of being able to
move without any restraints, financially independent and capable of just
thinking about me and my welfare rather than prioritizing of the needs of the
“little one” over me. I always tell myself, “I can’t even take care of myself,
why have another one to take responsibility of?”.
I
heard mothers everywhere on how emotional they are if their babies are not
feeling well. I heard of the endless, huge expenses for milk, diapers, baby
vitamins, monthly checkups constant sleepless nights taking care of the needs
of their babies and will escalate to marital issues about financial security
and even debts for their kid’s education. I've seen a lot of mothers who lost their youth and vibrancy and they look super stressed. For me, it was a horrible idea to
imprison myself into such predicament. I have to make smart choices as I
thought it’s really the best thing to do. I always prided myself for being
practical.
And
so the first time I set foot out of our house and tasted independence, I
promised myself to settle down at the age of 28. I believe that it is the right
time to establish a family when I am financially capable, emotionally prepared,
and mentally open to the consequences of having a baby.
I
thought that that plan was just for my own contemplation, since I didn't really
say it aloud. But God has plans for everyone, and He knows exactly
what we have in mind and in heart. He heard me the first time and He gave me
what I asked. If it’s meant to be then it's meant to be.
The
day I learned that I was pregnant was a life-changing episode. The moment two
visible lines glared back at me, sent me in total shock! And then when
realization hit me, it was overwhelmed instead with blissful joy and unrequited
gratitude. My life flashed before me as I saw a miracle was unfolded right
before my eyes.
I
cried of happiness and Dave hugged me tightly, him letting me know that
everything’s going to be okay. We were both happy since we were just counting
days before our 9th Anniversary and God surprised both of us with
the greatest gift one can only imagine. The
gift of life! A MIRACLE. OUR BABY!
The idea of us
having a baby was so thrilling. Dave started rubbing gently my tummy and he
even put his ears on my belly which I find so adorable. He is talking to my
baby and I have to hug him tightly. It was the sweetest thing. My mother was
the first one to know and she was as ecstatic as we were. Then relatives and
friends' texts, greetings and encouragement started flooding in and it was so
wonderful!
The day I had my
first OB visit and had my ultrasound was very memorable. I remember the time my
doctor showed me my nine-week baby, and how strong his heartbeat is, I was so
teary-eyed, choking back the tears of genuine love and happiness. The rhythm of
my baby’s heartbeat just skyrocketed me to the highest place that man can only
imagine. I thought I saw my soul going past the stars and the galaxies as I see
myself approaching the clouds of the purest white. It gave me a delicious chill
of strong gratitude and awareness of how powerful God is. It was mystical. He
gave me hope, to value my life and to be thankful of how wonderful it is to
conceive a lovely soul. He gave me the path never explored before and how I see
myself in a different light of certainty knowing that I have a full capability
of nurturing another life. It strengthened my faith as He gave me another
reason to enjoy the bliss of living. It definitely is a different and exciting
chapter of my book that I’ll be glad to write about.
I fell in love with my baby. My child came at the right time. It was magical, majestic--- mystical. I was emotional that up until now I really can’t find the right words
to best describe it. Or maybe there’s really no such word created ever by man
to describe this moment of miraculous connection between a mother and her child
bonded together by fate, that strong,
sublime emotion of love, happiness, gratitude, the miracle of another life
inside of me, I feel like I was floating in the air, it was
a different kind of high.
I don’t remember
how I went out of the room. But I showed Dave the sonogram picture of our baby
and he was as happy and thrilled as I am. The trip going back to his place made
me think of the changes ahead of me. But I am so glad to adjust, adapt and
willingly accept the changes with arms widely open.
Every waking day
was a happy day for me despite the stress that waits once I step out of the
door. I always pray for his/her welfare and I never cease to thank the Lord for
this miracle. Gone are the days I always think of what’s best for me. Right
now, every decision making, every little thing I do, I always think of my baby.
Funny how in a
snap, I forgot about the therapeutic magic of coffee especially early in the
morning. How I don’t miss those Tanduay ice sessions, and the bags of chips
that tops my grocery list. Funny how I adjusted effortlessly with the taste of
ANMUM Materna, how I take my vitamins religiously and how dedicated I am drinking 8-12
glasses of water. And whenever I am not certain to eat or not to eat a delicatessen, I have to text not just one, but a lot of friends and relatives who experienced pregnancy
if it’s okay or not. I just laugh whenever I have this mad dash of bathroom
trips, of my aching hip joints, my gas-belching episodes and the crazy
cravings. I downloaded a lot of cute baby videos, of educational videos and
real experiences about carrying a child in the womb until baby’s delivery. I
saved a lot of baby pictures and whenever I look at them I have the strong urge
of talking to my baby in my womb.
One of the perks
of an expecting mother is that stories are pouring in. I have a lot of helpful
mother-friends who kindheartedly share their experiences, those pre and post natal
advice, tips that are very valuable with me progressing on my baby’s second
trimester.
I
wholeheartedly set aside the luxury of rewarding myself with Preview and Vogue
magazines, and replacing it instead with Smart Parenting magazines. The mystery
and detective novels have to go for the mean time as I invested into pregnancy
and baby books. I find myself often in the baby sections now checking for cute
socks, bibs and baby clothes more than aimlessly looking for some cute finds
when I wasn't pregnant. I can’t help wrinkling my nose and casting smiles every
time I see something so cute and adorable for my baby.
I thought my
life of being experimental with my clothes ends up but when I started rummaging
my closet, man! I was so surprised at those forgotten treasures waiting for the
limelight. You can just imagine how thankful I am that man invented skinny
pants with elastic waistline. I think it was super genius! Honestly, I fell in
love with garters. My pants now were all with garters to freely stretch for
comfort to compensate with my belly bump. I still want to look hip and
fashionable while pregnant.
And
the mere fact that everyone’s telling me that I look blooming is the icing on
top. I've never been so happy before. I have this ball of energy that keeps me
going. I have this vibrating positivity which surprises the heck out of me which
is good in a way. I always see the
brighter side of things. I just have to laugh seeing myself gain weight and I
completely forgot about diet. I have to just rub my tummy which is already with
an obvious baby bump unlike before that if I see my tummy big, I have a huge
crease of frown. Every time I take a bath, I talk to my baby as if he is taking
a bath with me too.
My baby is my inspiration to go out there and
face the world. Every day, I look forward to our mother- child bonding. I have
this special hour of the day before I go to sleep to talk to my baby while I am
gently rubbing my baby bump and it never fails to bring me tears of joy. I am
happy. That is happiness right there that no currency can ever buy. I celebrate
the life within me.
My
baby and I have still a long way to go. But every step of the journey is
definitely a moment to be thankful about.
And if you go back how I started this article,
I said “When I was younger, I can’t
imagine myself pregnant. I see those pregnant mothers parading in front of me
everywhere and I have to laugh because if traded places, I am still happy of
where I am, enjoying the freedom of being able to move without any restraints,
and to just think about me and my welfare rather than thinking of the “little” one
over me.”------ I have to laugh now at how ignorant and naive I was before. I
have eaten my words. It was a slap in the face not having any idea how wonderful;
wonderful it is to be pregnant. I am so loving every moment of it now, all the
perks and downs of pregnancy and how I wish that I had this sooner.
I am in a very
happy state for which I find myself blessed with a life that is much more valuable
than money can offer. And whenever I see pregnant women who pass by , I have to
look them directly in the eyes letting them know that I have a huge respect for
them for bravely going through the phase of another level of being a woman.
There is a strong bond of silent respect for each other. I guess, it’s a universal
code of womanhood.
My
life, my journey had a big turnaround and I don’t have any regrets or doubts. I
know that He has a great plan for me, Dave and my baby. I don’t have any
worries as I know that He is with us .If there is something though that I am so
certain with? I will always take good care of my baby, to protect my child at
all times, to selflessly devote my time and effort to give what’s best to
him/her, to love, cherish and nurture him no matter circumstances there is so
he will grow with kindred soul and a loving spirit. I pray for the strength and
to be equipped with compassionate heart and unequivocal patience of a mother
and a wife. I am a better me now. And I will grip to the Lord with faith as I
face this new chapter of my life.
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| The first sign of life( 07/23/2013) |
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| my nine-week baby ( first sonogram) |
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| My baby @ 14 weeks and 4 days |
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| Me on my 12th week... |
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| Happiness that comes from within:) |
P.S
I
pray that when you read this; just utter a prayer for me and my baby’s safety.
I appreciate it!
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