Someone wrote an article about death in another manner.It was calculated and interpreted accurately as if solving the greatest physics problem of the world. Another committed suicide to make a point and he was successful.Now what point will that be, if you are already dead? There's no coming back and I think that's too idiotic! Too shallow to die!
While I was walking in the dark alley going to work, I was thinking of death. The mere fact that it's unpredictable and menacing at the same time, it made me realize that it is not really in my hands.Thinking my life is always at risk everyday, I actually can't help to ask myself sometimes on how will I die?And if I die,is my life worth dying for? How ready am I to die?
I was walking and I was really bothered by the thought. I might say this is something beyond my control. If I die...then I die!C'est la vie!But then how about the life that I have now? Will someone care enough to rekindle on how I touched his life thru my mere existence? Will someone cry of total regret for my youth,my unfulfilled dreams and the talents that I should be sharing to the world that were all wasted?Will someone celebrate over my death?Will someone write something memorable in my epitaph?Will I cry once I see my family crying while they are standing near my grave and slowly putting my coffin into that black pit that I will totally be devoured by the maggots while I will eventually fade from this earth?How will I communicate with Dave?And will the kind and forgiving heaven open the doors for me...even though my soul was openly neglected and starved while I was still living?
I treasure my life more than anything. But there are I times I am just living my life in a daily basis that sometimes days just pass by without even me remembering even just a tiny speckle of detail about it. And there are times that I want the day to end just to start another day...very adamant to have tomorrow to be in my hands now.
Dying is so ghastly. I can imagine the bitter taste of sorrow and the pitiful loss. Some might say it is the beginning of the endless life..but then for me it is the start of omega. It's a monster...a gargoyle...but it can also be a great relief for some.
And so right now..sitting on this chair...while trying to vision out the life that I have....if God will ask me to cry all year and kneel til my knees will be detached...I would. I am not even on my highest peak. I know...I do know..that I still can change things in this world. The fire is burning inside of me and the drive to live is still so strong.My shadow might be just a dot of ink in this vast and lonely world, tiny and unnoticeable but then my strength is so enormous and feisty that I think the world will need it someday. I will never become a hero but if I will die now..young and free-spirited....than to die when I'm old.. my death will be just a puddle of mud in the rain...it will eventually be washed out and be forgotten tonight.
But if God decides to get back the life that He gave me?I will take my last breath with both joy and agony...because I know...I did everything in accordance to what I like..and the life that was vested was totally valued and rejoiced.But the agony will always be there...I will always carry the burden of sorrow...of all the lost dreams and the broken promises.
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