There was a time I loathe to love...I always run away from it,for the fear of experiencing the sensible pain of loving, committing myself into a relationship and being rejected in the end. I heard a lot of couples so much smitten but in the end they still have to separate. There was that point that I tried so hard to immune myself, acknowledging rather the sweetness of being alone in the dark for the bitterness has its after taste which is stronger and more memorable than the idea of being with someone for which I easily forget how it feels once I reached home. And there was even a moment I tried to drown myself into reckless abandonment and eventually succumbed into the lustful, loving arms of anger and animosity thinking that it will toughen me to the core. I created a niche full of hatred where I thought I found the comfort.
In short...I did learn my ultimate lesson that love sucks!Bigtime!And I said Hell-to-the-No to ROMANCE fLICKS!ICK!
I've worn black shirts during Valentine's day(with matching heavy eyeliners and tongue showing,middle-finger-sticking in the air)Oh,angst was my best friend!I hated the sights of the dainty flowers lovingly wrapped in those silly transparent cellophane with small hearts printed and the laces.God forbid!I want to be the Grinch even when it's not yet Christmas, so tempted to prick all the pink and red heart-shaped balloons with ribbons curled to perfection and how I wanted to yank those girls who were so crazily in love,having the guts to smell the roses right before my very own eyes! It is so disgusting!I became this anti-love,anti-mushy creature who is trying to be tough outside but actually inside..she is a softie!
I remember the times I will just stare blankly to the million stars gazing back at me. Tears will roll and the silent cries will turn into a controlled sobbing that I have to hug myself just to say that everything will be fine. No matter how I toughened myself outside..I was still this silly girl who believes in L-O-V-E in the end. I know that inside the heart of each and every one of us, there is always a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world. And i believe on that! Those were the long nights I dreaded to sleep because it just freshens up the pain.
Then acceptance eventually overruled the pain. I no longer cried with the stars instead I started to have this monologue...asking questions to this "imaginary lucky one", pleading when's the time I will meet him.I have this crazy notion that life's a random pace..that maybe I was able to touched sleeve with "the one" while walking in a crowded place..or maybe I locked gaze with him one time but I just shrugged it off. Again..I was engulfed with this madness,one day I was so full of anger and pain and the next day I am as giddy as a five- year old kid who was pacified of her tantrums with just a stick of pink cotton candy!
I just woke up one day and realized, my heart's freaking ready to love again!
Then I met you!And how we met is actually a nice plot for a Korean drama that I thought will just happen in the boob tube. When you said "hi" I thought you were obnoxious more than chivalrous..you damn look like a maniac to me!(pardon me for saying but that really was my first impression of you!heheh.)I though you were just one of the guys who just hit on chicks they meet in the hallways.But when you texted me, and we started chatting,Boy,I was impressed !You are so frank and straightforward. You don't care what people think of you so long as you express yourself. You are a good listener,and quite a talker like me.You were so corny before that honestly I was just trying to laugh at your lame "knock-knock jokes" not to embarrass you but hey---I am so glad you evolved eventually into a funny man that you knew how to tickle my funny bone with your own humor now.hahaha. I love you PaPO!
Your eyes are so pretty and whenever I stare at them I am at ease.I feel so secure whenever I am with you. Your smiles are totally heart-warming and man,I just can't get enough of you. You speak to me as if you knew me for a long,long time.Nobody had ever done to me before the way you did touched my soul. I am always a reserved person who is not quite comfortable letting in someone that easily to reach out that solace where I quite find my comfort.Everybody has this sacred space that it is quite hard to reach.It's a place where one cries his heart out inwards rather than letting others see it.It is the place where you are not scared to be you without any pretenses and you were able to reach it.You did!
And quite frankly,the night you answered my question why we should be together,you gave me exactly the five reasons I wanna hear why you and me should be couple. I fell in love with you. And I am not afraid anymore.Gone were the hesitations and skepticism. They just flew out the window.I decided to take a chance. And boy was I thankful!
I just love the feel of your hands when it locks with mine..whenever I squeal like a pig when you tickle and wrestle me,the feel of your shoulders when you hug me tight..and this overwhelming,overflowing love whenever I cling and hug you from your back...and how you will turn around and kiss me.I know it's a heaven on earth. And I do know...that man I was asking from the million times I talked to Him through the billion muted stars that witnessed my melancholy was already given to me.
Of course love is not always a bed of roses(it can be a bed of cactus too.hehe.)We had our episodes, the time we've thrown angry words, the times we had those petty quarrels.And since the distance is our worst enemy there was a time we drifted apart emotionally. But the fact that we stick together,how we trusted each other and how we compromise whenever we don't agree with each other's opinion..and how you listened to me despite me being pig-headed..and how sorry I am for always protecting my pride more than stooping down.And for the times I hurt you..you know those were unintentional and I really am sorry.And how you confide your worries and troubles, and how you ask me to be with you when you are down.I value you so much as my man!We are emotionally intertwined,the bond is so strong, more than just physical intimacy.Ours is so deep,so special that a lot of people can't really relate.A lot were expecting for the downfall of our relationship.But that will never happen.And I won't let that happen.
Those seven years are wonderful and blissful years of my life!I've never been this close to anyone before!And the gratitude is really beyond words!You knew me so well that you can easily read me.You knew when I am upset,when something is troubling me.You don't tolerate my mistakes instead you let me learn from it.You are always there for me.We've woven dreams and we are trying our best to make those materialize! We've grown and matured together and along the way we are picking up experiences that make our relationship strong,which was already tested by time.You are a buddy,a bestfriend,a lover,my UFC wrestling rival,my roadtrip partner and the culprit for my food binge!And every time I think of you,it reminds me of the silly things we do together.How we bully those people we pass along the road when we're riding your motorbike,when we sing on top of our lungs while passing the long,winding road with the sunset in the horizon and the wind is blowing in our faces.How we laugh and cuddle early in the morning and how it turns into something else(oooppss). How we had a fight one night when you are so lazy to brush your teeth and I was nagging you to brush 'em for me to kiss you.And how you fought with a storm,drenched in the rain just to be with me on my birthday,delivering your gift and going back to Baguio after an hour.And I know how hard it was for you to console me when my father died for I lost myself for weeks and you really had a hard time making me happy during those times.The way you blend well with my family,how you understood my responsibility to them is so amazing.I know you've been sacrificing a lot now,with me fulfilling my obligation to them when in fact at this age we should be doing ours.It will soon be over. Those tiny things you do which you think are just nothing are well appreciated,I will never forget those!Everything's so crystal clear and they made me love you even more!
I do love you, and I am sorry Mister, you are going nowhere for I won't let you!
I will always be there for you!I will be there when you can't walk because of arthritis and all of your hair turned white.I will still make you laugh even if my dentures making some clicking sounds.I will still hug you like a koala bear clinging behind your back when you are cooking.And I will still shower you with tiny,little kisses all over your face.I will put you in my arms when you feel so down,and we will be like that for hours with unspoken words til you feel better.I will take good care of you no matter what!I am so in love with you my dear,sweet loving Dave!And I am so committed into this relationship.It will not take long and we will eventually start a family and little "Dave" and "Jessie" will be sprouting eventually,and I will always tell them how their daddy acted like Kungfu Panda and how I put some eyeliners around his eyes to make him look like real one!And how we had thunderous laughter eventually when I am taking pictures of him .And how I put loose powder in their daddy's face that he turned so ridiculously white with red lipstick in the middle of his lips to make him look like a crazy geisha!And don't forget how you proposed,when you were half-naked,with just a towel wrapped around your waist and how you just blurted that we should buy a ring after taking a bath(honestly I don't know what inspired you on that goddamned CR to just go out and tell me that we should get ourselves the proposal ring)hahaahaha. Man that's not the proposal I keep on picturing my mind but you caught me off-guard nonetheless,hahaha and I think it is so funny and unique yet sweet! And I will always remind them that they have the best father in the world...and how much their daddy is so well loved by this gal who was so besotted of him.
You made me whole.You changed totally my entirety!You mean so much to me and even right now,while I am writing this down,tears are pouring of overwhelming love and gratitude for all the glorious years we shared.You made every year counts!You made me so proud.And to those who are skeptical about this silly thing called "LOVE",the one we see in the romantic flicks or the mushy lyrics of billions of love songs written by millions of songwriters all over the world which we thought are so larger-than-life?I tell you confidently...it does exist!And it does magic!
and for that...Happy,happy birthday my Dear David Dericto..and happy 7th Anniversary too!ibang level na ites!
True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.
~ Honore de Balzac ~
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