A lot of people I know are asking why I'm not married yet and have kids.I was so alarmed of the urgency of the direct question because most of them have their own families now and enjoying the bliss of parenthood.
There was a time, I was minding my own henhouse..walking on the filthy road going to town when out of nowhere I was stopped by our neighbor asking if when's the wedding...again...I was petrified!WTF!
Marriage for me is not the goal in life.It's not a race that once you hit your 20s then you start preparing yourself for it.It's not the final destination that it will leave you the impression of being left-out if you're not into it.
How many times do I defend myself that marrying is not what I have in mind right now?Don't get me wrong...I love Dave and I love the idea that we're engaged but to tie the knot too soon??I don't really think so.We do have plans.
Talk about goal...talk about plans..talk about reality and talk about the harshness of life.Gee...you surely would expect a lot of talkin!
I've seen a lot of heart-wrenching cases that sometimes marriage for me is a curse than a happy state of living. I heard millions of dramas of broken families, of philandering and fornication, of unwanted pregnancies and kids out of wedlock,of uneducation and booming population, of annulments and divorces and the worst of all the unending poverty it causes.
For me, practically speaking...everything starts with a mature plan and responsible decision-making. Love for me is not really the only ingredient to start a family or to step into it.Life's not always about living in cotton candies and wines, of hugs and kisses, and of laughters and dates.No matter how happy and inlove a couple is, if they are not mentally, emotionally and financially ready then they should just take their time.Because what's going on is they're so much into Cloud Nine that most of the couples take risks.....and what's funnier is that they bury themselves in debts just to "start" the family and get married. The wedding itself needs a big budget.So some of them will either sell their lands, to borrow money or to either fall into the hands of the loan sharks. That...I think is the most ridiculous idea of "building a family". And I do oppose on the idea that their parents tolerate it thinking that it's a great deal of letting their kids go so that they can be freed from the obligation. A very good example is that neighbor who stopped me in the tracks just to ask when's my wedding?Her first daughter married at 18 and next to her is planning next year. They are living on the family house and there are kids everywhere.And what's more are some other neighbors whose kids got pregnant at 16, they're uneducated and my God! They are all enclosed in a shabby house not even sure if they eat thrice a day..their kids are dirty and oblivious of what's life ahead of them!Talking about poor thinking and poor logic and most of them unfortunately are blinded or even enticed to jump into this whirlpool of total quicksand.
I might be strong and mature but to go into a situation that there's no turning back scares the shit out of me!With this reality, you yourself can definitely predict what's ahead even without the ability of Anita, the fortuneteller.And I am telling you now that it'll be a helluva life! And to be honest, I am an 'ol fried chicken to just give it a try.
I have a dream.And I want to nail it big time.In this world that all around you reminds you of the more you have to struggle, I stand firm to just reach first what I really want in life. Starting a family is always a part of the plan, but not today.Not yet. Life's a fastlane...better play it as agile as you can because it really is totally adhered with the things that you really want to achieve. Yeah, I am so materialistic because the world taught me to be one.Let's face it...there are just 2 things that we might fall into: to live poor and be unhappy all your life ( and please don't be hypocrite to tell me so long as you are happy...you can't live now without financial stability..I don't buy that crap!) and the second is to make it big time and be financially secure plus the fact that you can provide the best education for the kids.
I know how it feels to struggle financially when all your kids are studying and you have to prioritize their schooling, allowances and daily expenses.I know how hard it is to shoulder the costs of diapers and cans and cans of milk.I experienced going to school with just my fare. And what more...I know how degrading it is to eat with just a can of sardines and noodles because my father just had a meager money because the family is big and you just have to wait til the next day because that's when the client can pay!Those are the lean, sorry days!
And no!I wouldn't want that to happen to my kids someday! And so as early as now...I want to follow my dreams first.Let me take care of my "self" for me to know on how to take care of the "family" that I will establish someday.And I love Dave...he will be the head of the family and I wouldn't want to see him struggle someday because we married at an early age empty-handed with broken dreams.
So call me ambitious and a bitch!You can call me names but I respect myself and my relationship and I am not selling myself short.Life is offering choices and I have already chosen. I have to be a smart decision-maker.I don't have to start to pace a road where there are millions of blocks, bumps and curves ahead. I will start a battle only if I am well geared and my arsenals' fully equipped. I just gonna live my life once...so why make it hard?
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