When The Ugly Duckling Found Her Way Out...

I know how it feels to just walk in the middle of the crowd not being noticed, ghost-like. I know how it feels to just be meek and unpopular ,how it hurts when you are trying your best to catch someone's attention but he sees just right  through you as if you are not even there.

I know how it feels when your ideas were ignored.Oh yes, I know how hard it is not to be heard. I know the pain  to be laughed around that no matter you try to look your best they only see your flaws.


 

I was an ugly duckling.

I am not born to have the clear, fair and even skin tone like those models we see everyday in  boobtubes and magazines. I was born dark. I don't even have a very good bone structure to have a svelte, modelesque body. I am  pudgy and small. I don't have a very nice pair of legs, a big nose, flappy ears, big arms and round face. I am full of insecurities that I see all the flaws  like a true blue wallflower.

But then when I first felt the pain of total rejection ( my first heartbreak) , I had finally had the nerve to look  at myself into the mirror and realized how blinded I was with all those whinings rather than accepting and embracing what I have.I just realized what a fool I was to waste all those time just belittling myself!I began to smile  and reflection smiled back at me, full of hope and vitality. And so my silence eventually was overcome by a sudde rush of emotion that I want to scream my heart out, as loud as I can to let the world know that I exist.


I started the self-talk. So what if I am not mestiza?Morena is now in!So what if I have a very big nose? I can fake it in my pictures by tilting from side to side( which I often do..hehe). So what if I am not towering?I can invest into lots of heels.So what if I am a bit chubby, at least there are tricks to look slim. I started seeing the positive side of me and it helped me undertand myself more.


The first thing that I did to embrace the change is to cut my hair super short. Never in my life had I tasted the sweetness of freedom when I did that---I feel so emancipated!I was freed from my cage after all these years. I owed myself a lot. From then on , I started listening to myself more than letting other people dictate what I need to do.I started a joyous journey and the excitement was beyond words.



I was able to finally establish the confidence which was a total stranger to me before. I embraced what God had given me  and the tigress inside was unleashed. My passion of art, photography and fashion had become to my niche, my haven.I took the chance to experiment more with the way I dress, based on my daily mood.  I turned to be a rebellious freak, I don't go with the trend--I go against it instead.I raid the flea market looking for wonderful finds, I don't go with the brands but rather stick with comfort and style. If I can't find the style I want, I improvise...I cut, sew, rip and paint just to have it materialize. This gal doesn't just stick with  one look  but rather transformed in a fashion chameleon, I have so much fun dressing up, it's endless!


I became more comfortable  styling  and the rest was history! A lot of friends and colleagues were so much surprised for the radical change. Somebody even asked me if my bestfriend( and my partner in crime Jepoy) is my stylist. I had a laugh and gently answered that I don't have any. Who needs one when you yourself can be your own stylist?

And so while I am strutting inside the mall, more fashionable than ever,  a lot were actually gaping,the more people who stare, the more confident I am to give them a show. I saw a young girl who was looking at me intently and I see myself on that same situation years ago, I saw the envy in her innocent eyes,  I smiled at her. I am not the same silly, shy girl I was before.It feels damn good to turn the table around. I am so thankful that the realization to love yourself hit me! And I hope that young girl will soon find herself on the same route that I had been.


I may not be physically perfect, and I know I will never be.  But I am what I am, I am who I am. I am no longer the scared wallflower who let other people dictate what I should do next. I am a strong woman now who is so much ready to face the world, in a high wedge with leather skirt and an edgy look.

So just like most of the fairy tales, the ugly duckling metamorphosed int a bitchy, confident swan being looked up now. Who would have thought?